The Bush

This is a piece of my narrative writing that I did in my class. I had to edit and proofread this by myself What do you think?    

The bush

A blanket of fog covered the bush when me and my friend Sam were eager to hike to the top of the mountain. We trudged along the lush bush as my feet crinkled across the hill side.

We smelled the fresh aroma. It was like roses to your nose. You could feel connected with yourself and in sync with our planet. The track suddenly became narrow as we were on a cliff edge. We needed to be careful and be extra cautious. If we looked to each side of us there was a gradual downhill and trees so you can see what is down there. We started to walk along the edge. We quivered in fear and our voices dropped in terror.

I could feel the adrenaline running through my veins.’’ Ah Ah!’’ Sam yelled behind me. He slipped down the edge as I could see him caught among the trees. I looked down, his eyes were closed and I could see a red liquid on him. Blood! I started to feel sick. Salty drops of water came from my eyes, I was crying. He might be dead I thought or unconscious. I was panicking. I didn’t want to lose my friend. I was walking around in circles going nowhere trying to think of something to help save my friend. 

I was desperate to have an idea and I needed one now! An idea came to mind. I slid down the hill. Got to Sam then quickly called a rescue team and told them my whereabouts. They said they would come as fast as the could so they jumped in a helicopter. I looked at sam and whispered in his ear everything is going to be alright but he still wasn’t awake. Just then I heard the sound of a spinning blade. I quickly realized it was a helicopter. They rushed out with a stretcher. The rescue team got Sam and I climbed aboard with them. We were in the hospital waiting for the news.

The doctor came out from the room. He said to me that he was ok. With hearing that news I clapped my hands and jumped in the air with joy. My face dramatically changed and my smile went to check to check . He had a mild concussion, a broken arm and lots of scrapes and bruises . We went home to see our family as they were so worried about us. They gave us huge hugs and smothered us with love.      The End